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Romances I regret

Hello everyone! Some of you may recall back in November I introduced a post to Cappuccino Keeks entitled “Bad dates in the age of Instagram”. Earlier this week, bored in lockdown, I chuckled as I thought of some other disastrous dates I’ve been on and decided… why not write about them for the whole world to see?! Thus, I am starting a new segment on here which I've dubbed “Romances I regret”. Just a little disclaimer before I spill the tea, I will of course keep the stars of this series anonymous and it is all written lightheartedly, most of these tales comprise of failed talking stages and tinder dates gone awry anyway! Take it away part one…

A few summers ago, I had just been through my first breakup and like any teenager experiencing heartache for the first time, Tinder became my new muse. I quickly discovered it was all just one big disappointment, however in my boredom and need to fill time, I continued swiping. After a few swipes, I came across a face I felt was familiar. A few Facebook searches later, I discovered, *Stephen, was the son of one of my mum's colleagues from work...! I should maybe point out that at this time I was living in the world's smallest town where I had grown up and everyone knew everyone (Rosewood vibes we get it). Stephen and I had never met in person but knew of each other through our mum's and from his pictures I thought he seemed like a catch. We matched and after a few days of talking, he asked me out for breakfast. (In hindsight, going out for breakfast on a first date is a little weird, but I went with it as he wasn't a complete stranger). Stephen suggested an American diner for our breakfast date however due to the small town situation, the diner was around a half an hour drive away and I couldn't drive yet. Luckily, Stephen had a car and offered to pick me up and drive us to the diner. Result! Or so I thought...

The day of the breakfast rolled around and I couldn't help but feel a little bit of excitement. My first step back into the dating world after heartbreak and it involved pancakes what was there to lose?! Stephen picked me up and there was no awkwardness as I got into the car which was a pleasant relief. We chatted for a few minutes, before he started the engine ready to depart to the land of pancakes and waffles. As his foot hit the pedal my voice was suddenly drowned out by the sound of the car's exhaust pipe. Unusual? We jerked away from my house and I suddenly feared I had gotten into the car of a boy racer.

My fears were quickly confirmed as he sped through the red lights at the end of my road and two wheeled the corner. Worse, he spent more time looking at me than the road! This should've been a compliment, but in reality, I was terrified. As we hit curbs and raced around the small town I'd called home for 18 years, I saw my life flash before my eyes. My mum's voice echoed in my head "Oh Stephen's a lovely boy, his mum is lovely!" I didn't care how lovely he was, Stephen was an awful driver! My mind raced for ways to dig me out of this alarming situation and I fumbled, quickly lying that I had to work later that afternoon and could we go somewhere more local? I couldn't stand half an hour of this! *Correction, I wouldn't survive it! He bought it and we swerved towards the town centre narrowly missing a few traffic islands.

We settled on a local cafe as I was trying to think of ways to salvage the date. Don't write him off just because he is a bad driver. But deep down I knew it was already too late. By this point, Stephen had taken to steering with his knees and asking me if I thought it was cool. No! I snapped back as I held onto my seatbelt for dear life. Next, he approached a roundabout at full speed and drove straight across it despite there being oncoming traffic. I had never seen anything like it in my life. I didn't have my license at this point but I knew how not to drive!

After what felt like the longest 5 minutes of my life, we finally arrived at the cafe and I had never been happier to feel ground under my feet. Stephen, unfazed by what he had just done, was chatty and upbeat. Unbelievable. We ordered English breakfasts (sadly no pancakes) and after putting me through a near death experience, he did kindly pay for my breakfast. The date itself was pleasant enough but sadly for me, before the date had even begun I knew it was over. As we left the cafe, Stephen offered to drive me home, which as you can imagine was politely declined. He tried to insist but luckily as I lived close to the town centre I had a reasonable case. He asked if he could see me again for lunch, which again, was politely declined. I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't want to date a wannabe boy racer.

As I walked home, grateful for each step I took, Stephen sped past beeping and waving as he went. I waved back and that was the last I ever saw of petrolhead Stephen. Naturally our mum's were gutted we didn't become love's young dream, but as for me, I narrowly dodged a bullet! Have you had a worse Tinder date? Let me hear it below!

Thanks for reading

Cappuccino Keeks x

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